Escaping Love Lockup

Valentine’s Day is here, which means heart-shaped everything, overpriced prix-fixe menus, and the annual pressure to prove your love via grand gestures. But let’s talk about what really makes relationships last: trust, security, and, surprisingly, a little game theory.

Enter Prisoner’s Dilemma, the ultimate test of “are we in this together or not?” In this classic scenario, two people must decide whether to cooperate or betray each other—without knowing what the other will do. Sound familiar? Relationships work the same way. You can choose trust and mutual investment, or you can act in self-interest (think: emotional withdrawal, keeping score, or preemptive ghosting). But real intimacy only happens when both partners consistently bet on each other.

Then there’s the Zero-Sum Game, a mindset where love becomes a competition. If one person wins (more attention, more power, more control), the other loses. It’s the Taylor-and-Kim of relationship dynamics—exhausting, petty, and ultimately destructive. The healthiest couples don’t treat love like a limited resource. They understand that mutual growth means both people win.

So, before you stress over whether your Valentine’s plans are romantic enough, ask yourself a bigger question: Are you playing a game where someone has to lose? Or are you building the kind of trust that keeps you both winning—on February 14th and beyond?